Hi! Welcome to the team. We'd like your help
getting a new comic book ready to publish.
To be honest, it's not very good. The story
isn't finished, and the writing is very flat and
uninteresting. We're hoping you'll be able to
improve it.
characters, Brad and
Susan, who get
trapped by a bushfire.
- Choose a conclusion for the story.
- Make the narrative more
interesting.
When you're ready to
start, select Next.
see, it's not finished. We don't know
what happens in the end.
choose the one you think would be most
dramatic. Then select OK.
ending … plenty of emotion
for our readers.
for the end of the story. Now you just
need to work on the narrative to make
it more exciting.
lifts them to safety. They take shelter in a cave
until the fire passes. They stay in the car until
the fire is put out.
they've chosen the best possible words
and phrases to express their meaning.
narrative about Brad and Susan:
- by changing nouns to pronouns
- by adding adverbs
- by choosing saying verbs.
One way to make a narrative more
effective is to link different parts of
the story together.
You can do this by changing some
of the nouns to pronouns.
Tony ran quickly. Then her stopped.
If someone did the action: He pulled the dog.
If the action was done to them: The dog pulled him.
A pronoun is a word that
replaces a noun so we can talk
about the noun without repeating
it. Different pronouns are used
for different people and things.
For example: 'he', 'him', 'she',
'her', 'I', 'you', 'it' and 'they'.
Pronouns tell us if someone did
an action or had an action done
to them.
Start with the first scene.
Select a pronoun for the space in the sentence.
Look at the options and choose the one that fits.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Find a pronoun that says a female
did the action.
Still not right.
The correct choice is 'she'. This
pronoun says that a female did
the action.
Here's the second
scene.
Select a pronoun for
the space in the
sentence.
Look at the options
and choose the one
that fits.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Find a pronoun that says a male
did
the action.
Still not right.
The correct choice is 'he'. This pronoun
says that a male did the action.
Here's the third
scene.
Select a pronoun for
the space in the
sentence.
Look at the options
and choose the one
that fits.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose a pronoun that says two
people did the action.
Still not right.
The correct choice is 'They'. This
pronoun shows that two people (not
including you!) did the action.
Here's the third
scene.
Look at the options
and choose the
pronoun that fits.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Find a pronoun that says a female
did the action.
Still not right.
The correct choice is 'she'. This
pronoun says that a female did
the action.
This is the last
scene you need to
find a pronoun for.
Look at the options
and choose the
pronoun that fits.
Well done!
The pronouns you added help link the text.
Now let's look at another way to make the
story more exciting.
That's not it.
Choose a pronoun that
says two people did
the action.
Still not right.
The correct choice is
'they'. This pronoun
shows that two people
did the action.
'Only about half an hour to go.'
She and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
road and saw more smoke and flames.
Brad said, 'Oh, it's a bushfire!'
lifts them to safety. They take shelter in a cave
until the fire passes. They stay in the car until
the fire is put out.
Adverbs are words that give
information about verbs.
They provide a more detailed
picture of what is happening.
They describe:
- when (eg, 'soon')
- how (eg, 'quickly')
- where (eg, 'upstairs')
- with whom (eg 'together').
The young man glanced over his shoulder before walking out of the room.
The young man glanced slyly over his shoulder before hurriedly walking out of the room.
The young man glanced sadly over his shoulder before walking slowly out of the room.
Another way to make a story more interesting
is to say more about what is happening.
You can do this by adding adverbs to the
verbs you have used.
Now use adverbs to
make the first scene
more interesting.
Select an adverb
that gives more
information about
what is happening.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose an adverb that adds to the
meaning of 'glanced'.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'quickly'. This
adverb says Brad's glance was fast.
Here's the next
scene.
Select an adverb
that gives more
information about
what is happening.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose an adverb that says this
was what they did next.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'then'. This
adverb says this was the next
thing they did.
Here's the next scene.
Select an adverb
that gives more
information about
what is happening.
Good choice!
Now select an
adverb for the
next space in
the text.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Select an adverb that says how
the action happend.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'suddenly'. This
adverb says the action happened
without warning.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'easily'. This
adverb says Susan thinks it will
not be hard.
'It's OK,' she said. 'If we take this road
we can get past the fire.'
'It's OK,' she said.'If we take this road
we can get past the fire.'
This is the last
scene you need
to find an
adverb for.
Select an adverb
that gives more
information about
what is happening.
Well done!
The adverbs you added provide a more
detailed picture of what is happening.
Now let's look at another way to make the
story more exciting.
That's not it.
Choose an adverb that
says they hope to
escape.
Still not right.
The best choice is
'hopefully'. This adverb
says they hope to
escape.
them was a huge wall of flames.'We're trapped!' Brad said. 'What
are we going to do?'
'Only about half an hour to go.'
She and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
and saw smoke coming from behind
the trees. 'Susan, there's smoke!'
Brad said.
road and saw more smoke and flames.
Brad said, 'Oh, it's a bushfire!'
Susan said. 'If we take this road we can get past the fire.'
was a huge wall of flames. 'We're trapped!' Brad said. 'What are we
going to do?'
The last thing we're going to
look at to make the narrative
more effective is to show how
the characters speak.
We do this by choosing
saying verbs.
'I can't swim,' Carol said.
'I can't swim,' Carol gasped.
'Leave me alone,' said Mark.
'Leave me alone,' pleaded Mark.
Saying verbs clearly describe
the way that a character
says something.
This shows how they are
feeling and adds to the
meaning of the story.
Over to you!
Choose a saying verb
to show how the
character is feeling.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose a saying verb that shows
that Brad is scared.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'exclaimed'.
This saying verb says Brad is
alarmed.
window and saw smoke coming from
behind the trees. 'Susan, there's
smoke!'he .
Here's the next
scene.
Choose a saying
verb to show how
the character is
feeling.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose a saying verb that says
Brad called out in alarm.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'cried'. This
saying verb shows Brad shouted
in alarm.
and saw more smoke and flames. Brad , 'Oh, it's a bushfire!'
Here's the fourth
scene.
Choose a saying
verb to show how
the character is
feeling.
Good choice!
Now select Next
That's not it.
Choose a saying verb that shows
that Susan answers Brad calmly.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'replied'. This
saying verb shows that Susan
answers Brad without panic.
'It's OK, 'she . 'If we
take this road we can easily get past the
fire.'
This is the last scene you need to
find a saying verb for.
Choose the best saying verb to
show how the character is feeling.
Well done!
The saying verbs you added show how the
characters are feeling.
Now let's look at another way to make the
story more exciting.
That's not it.
Choose a saying verb that shows
that Brad is very worried.
Still not right.
The best choice is 'shouted'. This
saying verb shows that Brad is
worried.
was a huge wall of flames. 'We're trapped!' Brad .
'What are we going to do?'
'Only about half an hour to go.'
She and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
and saw smoke coming from behind
the trees. 'Susan, there's smoke!'
Brad said.
road and saw more smoke and flames.
Brad said, 'Oh, it's a bushfire!'
Susan said. 'If we take this road we can get past the fire.'
was a huge wall of flames. 'We're trapped!' Brad said. 'What are we
going to do?'
lifts them to safety. They take shelter in a cave
until the fire passes. They stay in the car until
the fire is put out.
Great work!
The changes you've made have
really improved the story.
Now it's time to work on the ending.
follow on from the story so far and be
written in the same sort of language.
story ends.
'Only about half an hour to go.'
She and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
window and saw smoke coming from
behind the trees. 'Susan, there's
smoke!' he exclaimed.
and saw more smoke and flames. Brad
cried, 'Oh, it's a bushfire!'
'It's OK,' shereplied. 'If we take this
road we can easily get past the fire.'
them was a huge wall of flames. 'We're trapped!' Brad shouted.
'What are we going to do?'
ending!
made have improved the story.
publish.
'We're nearly there,' said Susan. 'Only about half an
hour to go.' Susan and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
Brad glanced through the window and saw smoke
coming from behind the trees. 'Susan, there's
smoke!' Brad said.
Susan and Brad turned a bend in the road and saw
more smoke and flames. Brad said, 'Oh, it's a
bushfire!'
Susan saw a side road up ahead. 'It's OK,' Susan
said. 'If we take this road we can get past the fire.'
Susan and Brad turned into the side road, but there
in front of them was a huge wall of flames. 'We're
trapped!' Brad said. 'What are we going to do?'
'We're nearly there,' said Susan. 'Only about half
an hour to go.' She and Brad were driving home
after a picnic in the country.
Brad glanced quickly through the window and saw
smoke coming from behind the trees. 'Susan,
there's smoke!' he exclaimed.
Then they turned a bend in the road and saw
more smoke and flames. Brad cried , 'Oh, it's a
bushfire!'
Suddenly Susan saw a side road up ahead. 'It's
OK,' she replied. 'If we take this road we can
easily get past the fire.'
Hopefully , they turned into a side road, but there
in front of them was a huge wall of flames. 'We're
trapped!' Brad shouted . 'What are we going to do?'
Type your conclusion here